“But human nature—“ Fuck you. Enough said. Human nature is what we make it, and you know that too, whether or not you want to own up to it—you cowardly excuse-mongering bastards.

poniedziałek, 14 stycznia 2013

and another one...

to continue with links list:
the women, who know
Got it from a beloved friend of mine, a day after we had a very long conversation over the phone in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the article is only in polish. It is about a photographic project which presents modern polish witches.

sobota, 12 stycznia 2013


 to be added to the amazing links list, though a bit off the last posts topics:
she's absolutely awesome!


A post I started to write few months ago but never finished. I do want it to see the daylight as it is a special one...

I somehow do believe in the kind of magic or importance of the special dates. I know, that it is only in my head, but it helps me a lot to celebrate the meaning of those dates. They are somehow magical and potentially can change the reality, when used in a good way. As long as you understand "magical" not in a new age way of thinking, nor the way 18th century anthropologist did. 
My 26th birthday few days ago. Which I decided to spent slightly different than always. I was usually enjoying to spend this day with my beloved friends, hung out, do things with them, eat good food. To have a somehow special day and cherish the life I am living here (as it seems I do not have any other valuable option by now than just living it) and the great part of that cherishing is thanks to the great people that surround me. This year most of my friend was not around when I was getting older. I was working like crazy, having no time to have a day off or prepare something special for myself and others. So I decided to go for someone's else's birthday party. Which was such a great way of finally not being in the very center and being THE person that is the special one today, which is always a bit odd feeling to me. And in the same time it felt special, cause it was a birthday party. I was there, mostly with people I did not know or just knew a little bit. And I still felt so comfortable, good and safe, just amazing. I find it in a way magical, cause it seems as I had ended the under-the-blanket phase, being afraid of meeting new people and going out to the world. Hope it will in fact be the date. And I was lucky enough to be in the very right place and with the very right people who enabled me to feel comfortable, accepted and wanted. Which I do appreciate a lot.

queer back and forth

Back and forth (tam i z powrotem) with queer issues. A lot of time on youtube again, as I still regard it as the best trans and queer source of knowledge - it is just simply full of people's stories, so many different point of views within the very same feelings and topics. That's my latest discovery:
Everett Jeremy Alyxander
But there are just thousands of similar stories over the youtube. I am completely fascinated by it and just wondering how could I not discover it before. The other source I am getting addicted to (but it is not such a bottomless pit as youtube is) is:
Especially the educational videos, not maybe necessarily all the others. I do enjoy the idea and I do have the pleasure to watch some of the videos, though they do not necessarily turn me on. It is rather a pleasure to see (finally, hell yeah!) some different models than those I was being stuffed with ever since.
Today I discovered this as well (to be finished with the video listing, though it might be going on for ever, you'll see how does it suck you in when you click on one, ten thousands other links appear):
Tyra Show (the episodes on transgender kids and their parents)
And I was even more amazed than with all the DIY stuff I found on youtube and all other queer community websites, mostly from overseas (of course...). I just realized that the transgender topic actually is publicly present in the US. And that is such a huge difference. There is a lot of things about the show I am so tempted to criticize and I do not find the way it speaks about gender issues OK but on the other hand this is the way that probably appeals to the big part of "regular" society and that already is SOMETHING. It is a first step to overcome the transphobia, which in the society I was raised in is so huge, just because the topic does not exist. I was lucky enough not to be put in the gender role by my parents and they were all fine with my liking cars, playing football, wearing shorts instead of skirt, having only male friends since playground till high-school and having short hair. Which I am so much grateful to them. They were explaining it with the fact that I am just taking over the role model of my older brother, which is not exactly true (as I did have an older sister as well which was, and still is, a very important figure in my life) but I still do appreciate them for treating my own decisions about my own body and personality, even as I was a child with respect and acceptance. I would wish this kind of approach to everybody.
And than there is the academic layer that comes over it all, the feminist theory, the queer theory, the history of modern philosophy. And I am somehow trying to make my own sense out of it all, writing academic essays, just after watching real (virtual...) life on youtube or just being in my own, real, everyday life.
Speaking of the real life I was yesterday confused with a guy by a group of my town local jocks. A nice feeling that I did not experience for a while... Though my elderly neighbor back in the big city I used to live not so long ago was absolutely sure I am a boy, about a 15 years-old one, no matter how often I would assure her that I am actually a grown-up girl in my late twenties, which was sweet and nice as well. Just made me realize that probably back in her ages it would be impossible to treat me as a girl, with all my fixing bikes in front of the block, carrying heavy things around, wearing the kind of clothes I sometimes wear, etc. And it made me feel in this very special way, when you realize how fluent gender might get and how pleasant it is to be viewed as different things according to the situation. Though it is linked with the social gender stereotypes I hate.
I leave you with the link to Dean Spade website (amazing one, check it out):
He is (among other things) an author of the text called Lovers and Fighters. Together with a good friend of mine we translated it into polish and you can find it here. This text is one of those important ones that speaks right to my heart. And now is also connected to me with a story of a nice new friendship. Thanks Dean!

czwartek, 10 stycznia 2013


I just feel that there is nothing left to say. And I can't make photos, so I can't express it differently. I can't write anymore. And I can't feel and I can't think. All is bitter and rainy. So I guess better not to make an effort. Just feel like traveling (=running away?)
Lost in myself with no map available.

Some photos. From Catalonia. Bad ones, as I can't make photos, just as I can't write anymore. And I can't feel and I can't think.